Darkness · and · Desire

That's it.

I'm done.

No more Livejournaling, no more online blogs. Nothing.

I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of all the net drama.

Well fuck me for having an opinion. This will be my last update. Ever.

Heil Hitler.

Nazi Anfürung


Hitler


“From a thousand wounds our people are bleeding. We are to be deprived of all that which has made us great…Today every German is faced by the question: downfall or recovery – life or death?”

**

“By defending myself against the work of the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.”

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“In this struggle the stronger, the more able, win, while the less able, the weak, lose. Struggle is the father of all things.

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"It is necessary that I should die for my people; but my spirit will rise from the grave and the world will know that I was right." - Adolf Hitler

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"Become strong again in spirit, strong in will, strong in endurance, strong to bear all sacrifices"
- Adolf Hitler

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"The personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of the Jew"
- Adolf Hitler

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"We will not capitulate - no, never! We may be destroyed, but if we are, we shall drag a world with us - a world in flames."
- Adolf Hitler

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"Obstacles do not exist to be surrendered to, but only to be broken."

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Reinhard Heydrich

“We must be hard as granite, otherwise the work of our Führer will perish.”

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Others

“Our banners do not carry the slogans of ‘Moscow’, nor ‘Internationalism’, nor ‘Pacifism’. The only name they carry is that of ‘Germany’ and nothing but ‘Germany’!

-Hitler Youth statement

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“Denn heute gehört uns Deutschland und morgen die ganze Welt.” (Because today Germany belongs to us and tomorrow the whole world)

-Hitler Youth song

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“Komm liebe Mai und macht vom Judenfrei.” (Come dear May and make us free from the Jews)

-Anti-Semetic propaganda poster

**

Adolf Hitler is Germany and Germany is Adolf Hitler. He who takes an oath to Hitler takes an oath to Germany!

"It is necessary that I should die for my people; but my spirit will rise from the grave and the world will know that I was right." - Adolf Hitler

**

I’m proud to associate myself with the party that brought Germany out of the depths of economic and social ruin.

I’m proud to associate myself with the people who sought only to create a purer and safer world for themselves and their fellow Germans.

The people now regarded as merciless monsters and close-minded fools are the people who have shown more compassion for their brothers and sisters than any other group I’ve ever known. Disregarding class, disregarding gender, they’ve welcomed me with open arms, and to call their views views of hate is to state an outright lie.

Before you call these people –whom I consider to be my family now- monsters, look inside yourself and see who’s really the one filled with hate.

I’m proud to call myself a Nazi. I’ve dedicated myself to promoting the work of my Fürher, who was forced into martyrdom by your tanks and your bombs. The swastika is a symbol I wear with pride, and I support Germany, and nothing ever but Germany.

When the time comes, and the smoke clears, which side will you be on?

Will you have the blood of loyal and loving Germans and Aryans on your hands?

Or will you join me in fighting for the Reich?

Choose wisely – first your nation, and then the entire world.

Wir fürchten weider Tod noch Teufel.

Die Welt – erwacht!

**

I wrote this in response to my therapist, who claims Nazism is a bad thing. I’m proud of who I am, and I’m not going to let some kike-loving whore change that.

Never.

Wow.

At Jake's house.

With Ralf.

Which is slightly awkward due to the fact that I'm wearing his hat and he keeps trying to take it back.

"He says that's what kids do in Germany. Work in factories." LOL "He made parts for Audi!" -Jake.

Six foot five German boy? Yah. Awkward.

Got, like, 3 emails from my sexy sexy significant other, which is a rarity in itself. And, *gasp* Ach mien Gott, they're more than a sentance! I feel privelaged. ^_^

Hier ist eins:

I'm compiling a couple of small gifts for you. As I have to use a public library these may take time to get together, but I know you'll love them to bits ;)

Love you hun x

**

Und...

You are beyond a dream to me <3

***

AWWWWWW.

Ich liebe er. Und ich will er. Offensichtlich, ich lernen Deutsch. :P. Ich kann nicht sprechen es, doch ich will sprechen es. (Wow, my German BLOWS)

At least I'm trying, right?

Alright, who's proud of me?

Guh. 5 hours of Nazis. WHICH I MISSED! BECAUSE I HAD TO WORK!!!! ARGH!!!! ><

*sighs*

Hitler and Eva Braun shot eachother? That's cute. How romantic.

Sorry, talking to Jake. Got my own hat back, so that's nice.

And...

KAYLA-CHAN WHY WERE YOU NOT AT MY GRAD PARTY!!!!! Ich hasse dich...grrr...

Will end on a happy note...

Guess how much money I got for my grad party?

2600 dollars. NOT including the laptop.

*smug grin*

Ich bin rich.

I'm just net deprived.

I miss Nick.

In a way I'm jealous of Kayla-chan because she can actually pick up a fucking phone and call Michael. And I can't even call Nick, whom I'm still so totally in love with.

It surprises me, honestly. How much I miss him, how much I miss his voice, everything about him.

Fuck, I even miss joking around and saying "Seig Heil" with him.

I miss him.

Why can't you be here with me?

At school for the very last time. It feels so weird to think that I'm never going to sit at these computers again. I mean...there's so many memories here: rushing out of French class to check my email, sitting on Callum-chan's computers discovering Nick was a Nazi, walking down the halls with Kyle and having people stare because he had his hand on my ass the whole time...wow. Ew.

I'm honestly going to miss this school very much, which is strange because I didn't miss my old one at all when I left. I mean...yesterday I cried. Alot.

It just feels weird to think that, omg, in August I'll be all the way in Mankato, away from my friends, away from my family. And in December I'll be all the way in ENGLAND!!! (Watch out England, I'm crazy!).

I mean, to think...I'm an actual grown up. I could be married in December, I could be getting a college degree in 4 years and having a real job and a baby and...wow.

I feel like I'm jumping off a cliff.

Last day of school, and I've already cried about six times.

OMG, I can't believe I'm graduating. I feel so old!

I mean...I'm never going to see any of them again...

*cries*

John Donne is by far the greatest poet of all time. Why? Because he wrote this:

HOLY SONNETS.

XIV.

Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

**

Yes, this poem is about God, but it reminded me so much of Nick when I read it. I just had to save it.

And this:

Till then, Love, let my body range, and let
Me travel, sojourn, snatch, plot, have, forget,
Resume my last year's relict ; think that yet
We'd never met.
- From “Love’s Ursury”

And this:

And yet she cannot waste by this,
Nor long bear this torturing wrong,
For more corruption needful is,
To fuel such a fever long.
These burning fits but meteors be,
Whose matter in thee is soon spent ;
Thy beauty, and all parts, which are thee,
Are unchangeable firmament.
- From “A Fever”

**

*sigh*

I love it. It's not often one finds good quality poetry.

I wish I could write more like him..

Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein...

*sigh*

I love this band.

This band gives me fufillment.

If I believed in polygamy, I'd marry this band.

Richard, especially. Till's voice, if it were possible.

I. Love this. Song.

Du hast mein Herz in der Hand, es brennt!

Kayla-chan, this song reminded me of you:

"Where Will You Go"

You’re too important for anyone
You play the role of all you long to be
But I, I know who you really are
You’re the one who cries when you’re alone

[Chorus:]
But where will you go
With no one left to save you from yourself
You can’t escape
You can’t escape

You think that I can’t see right through your eyes
Scared to death to face reality
No one seems to hear your hidden cries
You’re left to face yourself alone

[Chorus:]
But where will you go (where will you go)
With no one left to save you from yourself
You can’t escape
The truth
I realize you’re afraid (I realize)
But you can’t abandon everyone
You can’t escape
You don’t want to escape

I’m so sick of speaking words that no one understands
Is it clear enough that you can’t live your whole life all alone?
I can hear you when you whisper
But you can’t even hear me screaming

[Chorus:]
Where will you go (where will you go)
With no one left to save you from yourself
You can’t escape
The truth
I realize you’re afraid (I realize)
But you can’t reject the whole world
You can’t escape
You won’t escape
You can’t escape
You don’t want to escape

**

I just...I'm sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for disregarding your feelings towards Michael. I'm sorry I'm kind of a Nazi. Sorry I changed so much. Sorry for losing myself in the process of loving someone else. But then again, it's happened before. Sorry for forgetting who I really am. Not that I really know who that is, but I belong with them, don't you see? I belong with those people who believe the Holocaust is exaggerated. I belong with them, and I don't really belong anywhere else. I don't know, if you never want to speak to me again, that's fine. I'll just...miss you.

Nick: I love you. You're so not emo, and it's sexy. Also, funny thing. In my French class, we were playing a game, and the final question (of course) went to me. The question was "Comment-dit on 'unknown' masculine en Francais?"

I almost burst out laughing before I said "Inconnu". It just reminded me of you, and it was funny. ^_^

Stupid connection dying.